(I can’t think of a good enough title for this post.)
This time of year is weird for me. I work part-time at a community college so my semester hasn’t started yet. And the very-temporary temporary job I had was over by the first of the month, so I’ve been at home trying to keep myself busy and not feeling too poorly about my fibromyalgia.
Of course all of this time at home just makes me feel bad about my fibromyalgia. I’ve tried to keep myself busy by cleaning, organizing, exercising and reading things related to my field, but it’s not always enough to make me feel physically better or to distract me.
I’m just tired of being tired. I’ve taken naps in the afternoon more than half of the days this month so far. Some days I can feel okay with that–I mean, I need the rest, and sometimes I do feel better after napping. But some days it doesn’t make me feel better to nap, and the hours before and after the nap are awful–groggy, foggy, a little in pain. On those days I think of it as my afternoon oblivion and I don’t like it at all. On those days–like today–I don’t ever feel like I sleep at all–like I just close my eyes and try to sleep but sleep never actually occurs. And then the rest of the day isn’t very productive. I mean, I don’t even want to do anything else today, even though there is still much to be done, even though I want to want to do things.
The semester starts tomorrow and I’m glad it does. It’ll help me take my mind off of my body’s troubles (plus, you know, it earns me money and it’s a job I enjoy doing). I think there’s something to be said for the invigoration of going out and doing things and having a part to play in the wider world. Being partly busy might not actually make my body feel better, but it feels like it does. Perhaps it just keeps me distracted, but I think that that’s enough some days.