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August is my least favorite month. It is summer staying on month too long. It is summer finally becoming boring. I don’t want to do any more summer things. I don’t want to wear shorts and sandals anymore. I can’t even compose full paragraphs in this heat, so I’m going to write a list of the ways August tries my soul.

1. I find myself dreaming about having a house up north or at least in the higher elevations so I’m not burning up in the heat of the lower elevations in August. (We live in a valley that is about 4,000 feet above sea level; “the higher elevations” refers communities up in the mountains that are 7,000 feet and higher and always always cooler than down where I live.) I start dreaming about winning the lottery or inheriting money from some eccentric family member (none of my eccentric family members have anything to leave behind). How can so much fantasizing be good?

2. I wish our school schedule could be like the one back East, and we could start after Labor Day. It is too darn hot to start school in the middle of August. I would be willing to go a few weeks into June so we didn’t have to go back in August–June heat has nothing on August heat.

3. It is burning hot. I know–I live in the desert so what do I expect? I expect hot in the summertime, but that doesn’t make it any less unpleasant. Especially in the horrid hours between four and six in the afternoon. The four o’clock hour is like the month of August–it is one hour too many of the afternoon like August is one month too much of summer.

2. If it isn’t 100 degrees or close to it, it’s cool because of the rains. You would think this would be a nice break from the searing temperatures, but it isn’t because the humidity goes up to 50%, thus cancelling out any cooling effect of the cooler temperatures. I end up sweating even more.

3. Because it is either too hot or too humid or both, when I do any kind of work I end up sweating like a pig (that’s a phrase my mother uses and, though it isn’t delicate, it is true). Scrubbing the kitchen, chopping vegetables, doing yard work, doing yoga in the living room–anything that’s more than sitting on the sofa makes me sweat. I ended up in my sports bra and shorts yesterday while I was cleaning and even then I was dripping sweat off of my brow. Yuck. I hate sweating. It is half the reason why I never exercised when I was younger.

4. While the rains are welcome in a state that is experiencing the worst drought of all of the 50 US states, they also bring a scourge of weeds. The suckers grow up over night. My husband and I are going to spend literally hours of our lives this week crouching and pulling, crouching and spraying dog-safe weed killer, bending and using the weed whacker, and all of that time we will be sweating. And August is shaping up to be more weed-filled than any other month this year.

5. On the bright side, my fibro symptoms aren’t any worse than they have been all summer.

6. Even more on the bright side, August is nearly halfway over. And September through November are the best months of the year where I live.

So there’s hope at the end of August. I just have to get there.