So this afternoon I was watching the movie Moon and I was barely able to keep my eyes open to see the ending and as soon as the credits rolled I turned over and went to sleep. I had woken up a little earlier than usual, but I had spent the morning reading and moving the sprinkler around the backyard. I just had a case of fatigue too strong to resist.
This is not the fatigue you feel after a long day of exercise or physical labor. That’s a clean kind of fatigue. On rare days do I have that clean kind of fatigue. Some days I can say I have no fatigue and aren’t I lucky on those days. It’s probably because I was able to get enough sleep the night before and am able to get the right balance of rest and action during the day. But some days I have a heavy fatigue. I think of it this way: I’m a balloon trying to float on my way, but the fatigue keeps pulling me down to earth.
The sleep that comes from this type of fatigue feels different than other sleep. I feel like I’m being pulled into it and it’s heavy and dark. I feel like I absolutely cannot resist it. Even if I were fleeing for my life I’d have to find somewhere to lie down and rest. I just have to find a way to work a nap into my day or suffer. Most days lying down for 20 minutes is enough for me, but on more active days I might have to sleep an hour to recover. That’s what it feels like: I need the sleep to recover my body and my mind. And it’s in a different than the way “regular” sleep helps you recover. Regular sleep I can resist for an hour or two. I can wake up and feel ready for the day even if I get an hour or two less sleep. That’s not fibromyalgia sleep. Fibromyalgia sleep I need in order to gain the bare possibilities of functioning.
So I spent about 25 minutes napping, and fortunately I felt strong and clear-minded and nearly pain free (10% level) and much more capable of having a great day than I had before the nap. I even went and did a little bit of work with the flowers.